Sleep
by tvmoviefan
Summary: A sleep deprived Jake runs into some trouble with the law on a midnight diaper run. Amy is less than impressed.


_A/N This fic is based on the episode of Life in Pieces titled "Sleep Email Brunch Tree", I highly recommend that show if you haven't seen it yet! This is a pretty dialogue rich fic, which is definitely one of my writing weaknesses, and something I am trying to work on. I hope it isn't too bad. Enjoy, and let me know what you think!_

"WAHHHHHH" Came the sharp cry through the baby monitor on Amy's bedside table. "WAHHHH. WAHHHH". Amy jerked awake for what felt like the millionth time that night.

"Jake" she whispered. "JAKE!" loudly this time.

"…the cat killed him… hmm.. what?!" Jake stammered awake

"Baby's up. Get the bottle and meet me in her room" Amy ordered, down the hall before Jake even registered what she said.

He stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen, banging his shoulders into the doorframe and his hip on the counter. Finally making it to the fridge, pulling the bottle out and putting it into the warmer before sitting down on the counter to wait.

"Jake!" Amy's shout woke Jake from a nap he wasn't even sure he was having "the bottle."

"Right, the bottle" Jake mumbled, bringing the now warm bottle to Amy, and his hungry baby.

"We're out of diapers, this is the last one" Amy says when Jake enters the room "I don't know how this happened, I had it written in 4 calendars" Amy's voice starts to break "I knew I'd fail as a mother".

"Hey" Jake says softly, wrapping her in a hug, desperately trying to stop her from breaking down, lest he'd have 2 crying ladies on his hands "you haven't failed as a mother, I think it was my turn anyway, I'll go pick some up"

"Can you bring me a slushie?" Amy mumbled into his shirt.

"Yes, I'll bring you a slushie" Jake was confused, but happily obliged.

"I love you"

Jake had the diapers and Amy's slushie and was checking out at the neighborhood gas station 15 minutes later, when something caught his eye. 3 slices of meat supreme pizza, display temperature-his favourite! There were also mosquitos flying around it.

"How long has that pizza been sitting there?" He asked the clerk

"We're technically not allowed to call it pizza anymore, since its been in there for more than 12 hours. That, my friend, is tomato crust"

"Hmm, tomato crust? I'll take all 3 please"

 _Woop-woop! That's the sound of da police! That's the sound of the beast!_

Jake was having the time of his life on the drive home. Music cranked up loud, singing along, while chomping down on his tomato crust and helping himself to Amy's slushie. Then he noticed the flashing lights in his rear view mirror.

"Damn it" He said under his breath as he pulled over, turned off his music and rolled down his window to find an officer with a bright flashlight pointed into his car.

"What can I do for you officer?" He aked cheerfully, with a toothy grin.

"Do you know how fast you were going?" The officer asked

"I'm sorry man, I was on a diaper run, new baby and all that. I guess I probably was going to fast. I'm actually-"

"14" The man interrupted

"14 what?" Jake asked, confused

"Miles per hour"

"Really? It felt like I was flying"

"I'm going to need you to step out of the vehicle for me sir"

It was in the bright headlights of the squad car that Jake realized he was wearing one of Amy's pink tank tops, having grabbed the first thing he saw when he rushed out to get the diapers. He ignored the side eye that the officer gave him, and did as he was told, walked the straight line, touched his fingers to his noise, and balanced on one leg.

The officer still seemed reluctant to let Jake go, and Jake wanted to hurry up and get home, to avoid the wrath of Amy. He offered and completed a one armed cartwheel, recited the alphabet backwards and sung perfect Hebrew.

"C'mon man, no sober person could do all that. What can I do to prove to you that I'm sober?"

"This shall do" the officer pulled out a breathalyser

Jake did his absolute best on the breathalyser, blowing until his cheeks were red and his lungs were empty.

"Check dat, son" he gasped when the officer took back the machine.

"Sir, I'm going to need you to come down to the station"

"What?! There's no way that showed anything, I haven't had a drink in 2 months!"

"I know you're on something, I'm just not sure what"

"Please, just let me take these diapers back to my wife first, then I'm all yours! My wife will kill me if I don't bring her these diapers. She's a great shot you know, I wouldn't stand a chance. She's a cop! I am too!"

The officer looked dubiously at Jake, and then shined his flashlight into the back seat of Jake's car.

"Sir, there are no diapers in the vehicle"

"WHAT?!" Jake shouted desperately, and looked in himself "I got distracted by the meat supreme! Display temperature!"

Jake was then escorted, none to gently, into the back seat of the squad car. "Can I at least call my wife, let her know what's going on?"

"Make it quick, tell her you'll be being held in the 78th prescient"

RING, RING

Amy's sleep was once again interrupted, this time by her phone.

"Jake, what is taking you so long? My slushie must be melted! And I don't know how much longer this diaper is going to hold up"

"Actually, Ames. It might be a bit still. I'm being brought into the 78th prescient for a drug test, but it'll all be cleared up soon. They think I'm on something, but all I'm on is 3 hours of sleep in the last week!"

"Of course" Amy says "Of course you get a night off"

"What? Ames, I'm being taken to a holding cell for a piss test. This is not a night off"

"Is there going to be a screaming baby in your holding cell? Dirty diapers? Vomit?"

All she got in reply was the soft sound of Jake's snore. Soundly asleep in the back of a police car, phone still at his ear.

2 hours later, everything was cleared up and Jake was free to go. He was handed back his belongings, along with an apology, at 3:42am. He quickly dialed Amy's familiar number, and was greeted with a grunt.

"Hey Ames!" He said cheerfully "Everything's all cleared up now, and I can come home! I'm at the seven-eight, I just need someone to sign-"

"Good night, I'll see you in the morning" was all she said before she hung up and went back to sleep.

Soon enough, the entire Santiago-Peralta family was fast asleep. Amy in their cozy king sized bed. Little baby Maya in her crib down the hall. And Jake, curled up awkwardly on the floor of the 78th precinct.


End file.
